Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
