then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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