I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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