I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
