the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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