I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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