i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
