Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
