the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
