I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
time to smoke my breakfast
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
