I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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