but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
