I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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