im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
