Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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