tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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