I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize