did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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