I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
