Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
