all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
