even my farts smell like vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she peed on how many people?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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