Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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