I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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