Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
