Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
