I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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