It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
