Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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