He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
