You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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