I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
