Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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