Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
