Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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