have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
