Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so let's talk penis.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
