Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
