We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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