Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
