I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
