The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
