You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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