You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
