Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize