my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
