i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
