Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
