Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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