I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
