STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Screwed.edu
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
this hospital has no fireball
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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