I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
