the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
