What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
