oh god the rape fog is back!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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