It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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