john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
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