Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
