Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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