she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put my cat in the fridge?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.