i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
