You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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