where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
