What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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