You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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