yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
