You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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