he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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