I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize