Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Randomize
