I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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