You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
